In my last post, I wrote about my past desire to run away every October. And tonight I was reminded of why October gives me one more reason NOT to run, but to let pain run it’s course. I dedicate this entry to Sean MacGregor, my forever angel.
I am sitting in the middle, between the anniversary of his birth and the anniversary of his death. And he is still sitting right next to me.
On October 13, 2012, I decided to stop drinking alcohol because it was a healthy choice. Not long after, demons appeared. Sean saw them. He recognized them. After yoga class on Thanksgiving morning, 2012, he knew what I needed. I didn’t. He knew that meeting would change my life. It did. And he held me as I cried for hours, in complete surrender to a battle I didn’t even know existed within me. He loved me. He listened to me. He laughed at me (which is one of the things I loved most about him). Whenever I was pissed off and super emotional, he would look at me and laugh. He let me know that it’s ok to have a melt down. And he let me know he wasn’t leaving me. And he stayed with me. And he said he would never leave me. He never did.
On November 22, 2016, Sean got his wings. On the day of his funeral, I was driving home on route 9 in Framingham. A car was driving down on the wrong side of the barrier, coming right at me. Just when I thought “This is it. I am going to die,” I came upon an opening on the left for me to steer into. I escaped death. As I stopped my car, I heard from above, “I told you I got you.” It was Sean. I have been referred to as one of Sean’s angels. But I assure you, he will forever be mine.
I am grateful to have had the time we had together. Just enough time for him to pull me out of the mess I was living in. Today I am able to help others because of the love he gave me. I am gifted in a way that allows me to feel his presence every day. And I can still hear him laughing at me when I’m crying over something that he can fix. If I have ever helped you out of your mess, you can thank Sean. He is still with me. It’s hard to miss someone who hasn’t left you. And it’s hard to run away in October knowing it’s the month he was brought into this world and it’s the month he saved my life, the first time.
Sean MacGregor, my angel (October 7, 1971- November 22, 2016)