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How to Get Rid of Ghosts

Tis the season of ghosts and haunted houses, right? But, if you have ever had your heart broken, you know that ghosts and hauntings can happen anytime of the year. Just like when we were kids and used to hold our breath as we drove by a cemetery, a broken heart can have you holding your breath when you drive by any place where shared memories were made. I am happy to say that I no longer hold my breath over such things, cemeteries or shared memories. Yesterday I was reassured of my healed wounds when I found an old journal with letters written to a past loves.

As I look back, I can recognize now that what I thought was real love was not always real. And after every break up, I would go through sadness, anger, forgiveness and gratitude.These didn’t always arrive in that order. I have to admit that sometimes I was the one that needed forgiveness the most. What was most helpful? Writing a thank you letter for all the lessons I learned through the relationships. And through gratitude, exorcisms were performed.

But first, there was this sequence of events:

I tried to understand the why and how of it all.

I analyzed every conversation leading up to the ultimate end.

I cursed them.

I questioned my own actions.

I cursed them.

I told myself I should have seen it coming.

I cursed them.

I cried.

I threw tantrums.

I drank.

I slept.

I cursed them.

I wrote them a letter.

I cried.

I thanked them.

I forgave them.

I forgave myself.

I really thanked them.

I found peace.

Now, was every breakup difficult? Not really. In fact, my heart was cracked a few times, broken only a time or two and REALLY shattered only once. And that’s all ok. I acknowledge now that I was allowing people into my space when I would have been better off if I had kept them at a distance. There were times I didn’t know boundaries. Other times, I just let people cross them. Today, I am filled with wisdom and I have all those past ghosts to thank for it.

Here is what they have taught me:

  • How to be patient in the middle

  • of anger

  • How to forgive in the presence of lies

  • How to be still in the middle of chaos

  • How to honor myself in the middle of being disrespected

  • How to express myself in the middle of being ignored

  • How to parent in the middle of a divorce

  • How to find solitude in the middle of a shit storm

  • How to tear down walls in the middle of constructing them

  • How to be vulnerable in the middle of pain

  • How to love again and again and again in the middle of a heartache

When I read those journal entries yesterday, I didn’t cry. I didn’t get angry. I felt neutral. And that is how I knew I was healed. I was reminded of what I gained from the relationships. Though I don’t believe I had to go through all of it to learn what I learned, I am grateful I received the lessons. I am grateful for the knowledge I have now that will only help me in future relationships.

If you are feeling haunted by the ghosts of past loves, start looking at what you have learned from your experiences with them and write a thank you letter. You don’t have to send it. (I never sent mine). It is more for you than it is for them.

Then reach out and tell me about the exorcism! I will even help you perform it if you want me to.

With love,



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