Learning to Float



This summer was the best summer of my life! Sydney, Olivia and I packed our car on July 12th and started driving across the country. We had a few “must see” places and the rest was planned as we went along. I learned more than I thought I would ever learn while on our 3 week journey across the United States.

I learned that:


  • The top 5 red meat producing states are Texas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Nebraska and South Dakota.

  • The states that harvest the most corn are Iowa, Illinois, Nebraska, Minnesota and Indiana.

  • Lists are not all that important.

  • People in the south are more friendly than those in Massachusetts.

  • There are more people like Papou (my dad) than one would think.

  • Just because my phone doesn’t ring for 3 days, it doesn’t mean it’s broken. It means I am on vacation!

  • My girls and I truly do have a magical relationship. (We already knew this. The trip only confirmed our truth.)

Of course there were many more lessons along the way. The most important thing I learned was how to float. As soon as we started driving through the Grand Canyon, I was sobbing. I couldn’t tell you why. I was just overcome with emotions. I never realized until that moment how much I was clinging to life; gripping onto what I thought would work. My tears told me there is a better way. Let go. I continued to cry at every turn, each site more awe-inspiring than the one before. The next day I woke up at 4:30am and drove to Arches Park to watch the sunrise. I brought my journal and I couldn’t write. I was mesmerized by the view. We craved water. We needed to swim. It was hot. We headed to Glenn Canyon. I watched Olivia floating on her back and said, “How do you do that? My legs always drop.” She coached me. She coached Sydney. At first, I found myself trying. If you have ever taken a yoga class from me, you know how I encourage not trying.

Once I got myself up, I held for a few breaths to make sure my legs wouldn’t sink. And then I let go. Silence. My ears were covered and I heard nothing. I closed my eyes and found myself floating...effortlessly. And I thought to myself, “This is how I want to feel every moment of my life. This is what life can be like. This is the letting go that I have always dreamed of.


Two weeks later we were home and busy getting Olivia ready to move to LA. Emotions were high. Tears were shed. Sydney and I were wondering what we would do with all the quiet that was about to take over the house. Olivia’s flight left on August 11th. I was diagnosed with breast cancer on August 12th. I instantly went back to that feeling of floating. My mantra became, “Float. Let go. Float. Let go. Float.” And it was easy. I brought my mind back to the Grand Canyon. I remember looking at it and thinking, “Man had nothing to do with this and look at all this wonder!” My faith in something bigger than myself was strengthened. I was fearless. To some it might look like denial. Some people told me I have a great attitude and that I am so strong. In my opinion, I simply learned how to float. No gripping. No trying.

Since we arrived home, I haven't stop writing about my experience. Words are hitting the paper faster than ever. I don’t want to forget a thing. More importantly, I don’t want to forget how I felt. The sights were breathtaking for sure. What happened to my spirit while we were there has forever changed my life. I learned how to float just in time.


With love,

Meg


* I started a new full-time job on September 13th and had a lumpectomy on September 21st. I feel lighter than ever. My friend, Nikki, said it best after surgery: “They surgically removed your past.” (the past that had me gripping, always wanting to be in control.)I am currently awaiting the information I need to make an educated decision regarding next steps.You can be sure that whatever decision I make will be in perfect alignment with my body, mind and spirit. As of today, 50 days after my diagnosis, not one ounce of fear has entered my mind. I am too busy floating.


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